For all the planning we did for our small, cozy, and intimate wedding, everything that could have possibly gone wrong indeed went wrong. The wedding was on a Saturday and the drama began two days prior when we went to pick up the tuxedoes for the groomsmen. We had specified several times where we wanted to pick up the tuxes, and when we got to the shop were told that they were not there. Seeing that I was on the verge of exploding, the shop offered to go pick the tuxes up from where they were, which was two hours away. We agreed and went to lunch, hoping that this would be the only hitch in our plans.

Nope! The day before the wedding, time went by so fast that we did not complete all the preparations until 11:00 p.m. My mother's ex-boyfriend chose to stop by the restaurant where the wedding was to take place while we were finishing up the decorating process. He was drunk and crying and gave everyone the creeps. To top this off, the owner of the restaurant decided to tell us that we were not allowed to do all the things her husband had promised we could months prior, which included taking out some of the tables and creating more room for us and our guests. After some wheeling and dealing, all details were finalized and my mom's creepy ex-boyfriend went back to the bar he had crawled out of.

Since it was almost midnight, and tradition does not allow the bride and groom to be near each other between midnight and the time of the ceremony, I turned to my groom and told him that the minister would be at the restaurant at noon the next day to take care of the paperwork and collect his fee prior to the wedding. I also asked him to light the centerpieces as well. Confident that all was going to work out, I went to the motel room that my matron of honor and I would share that night and that my new husband and I would spend our wedding night in the following evening.

Day of the wedding--my matron of honor and I got out of bed, ate breakfast, and drove to the hair salon to get beautified. Once there, we were passed around to six or seven different stylists. Me, the bride, who had had the appointment for six months, was told to sit in three different seats only to be uprooted when a well-known customer came into the shop. Needless to say, the few simple curls and insertion of headpieces took forty-five minutes longer than necessary because the stylists did not find us important.

We made our way back to the motel in time to crush ourselves into our gowns (literally, you could hear our bones cracking) and put on our makeup. We were supposed to meet the photographer in the town park at 11:30 a.m., and we were ready by 10:45. And then the disasters began. First, my uncle called and said he was coming to the motel to pick me up and take me to the park. We waited and waited and waited, and he never showed up. My mother came to the door, not even close to being dressed yet, and told us that my nieces, who were also my bridesmaids, were not ready yet either. I tried to stay calm and ignore the knowledge that the photographer was expecting me, my matron of honor, my mother, and my bridesmaids for pre-ceremony photos in a very short period of time. At 11:23 a.m., my uncle still had not arrived. By this time, I was sitting on the bed, bouncing nervously and giggling to keep myself from crying. My matron of honor finally said that my mother and I were going to jump in her car and she was going to drive us to the park herself. When I asked where my bridesmaids were, I was informed that they still weren't even close to being ready yet and that they would have to meet us at the restaurant. Disappointed, but trying not to stress out, I loaded myself into the car and off to the park we went. We wound up meeting the photographer twenty minutes late, and since my bridesmaids were not with us, the photo session took less time than expected. My feet were already killing me because of shoes that were biting into my flesh, but I still maintained a smile.

When we arrived at the restaurant 45 minutes prior to the ceremony, I was surprised to learn that I was the first one to arrive besides the minister. The minister had been waiting for my groom to arrive, and he had not. The smile on my face began to waver, and he quickly assured me that it was all right and that the paperwork could be handled after the ceremony if need be. I went into the banquet room and sat down at a table. One after another, people started attacking me with questions and demands. With every attack, my smile got smaller and I began to sweat. It was then that I noticed the centerpieces had not been lit yet. That was the last straw. I surged to my feet and shouted, "What the heck has everyone been doing all morning?! I was ready and running on time despite oversleeping and passed around to stylists like a bucket of chicken! Everyone has had very simple tasks to accomplish, and none of them are done! Do I have to do everything myself?! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!" I went around the room and began lighting the centerpieces, four-letter words pouring out of my mouth. My matron of honor, the photographer, the restaurant owner, and even the minister began to help me. When all centerpieces were lit, the minister guided me to a chair, had me sit down, and began to rub my shoulders to get me to calm down. Luckily for me, he had been a cop for 8 years before becoming a minister, so my little tantrum did not shock him. Slowly I began to calm down, which was expediated when an angel of mercy handed me a glass of wine. After guzzling half the glass, I began to get my smile back.

When the groom arrived, I was stashed in a stairwell with my glass while my matron of honor rushed around, showing everyone where they needed to be seated. She also asked the best man to tell the groom that when the music began to play, he could turn around and watch the procession. We were fifteen minutes behind schedule at this point, and nobody was paying attention to her, so she began to grow frustrated as well. When she came to the stairwell to check on me, she was visibly shaking with rage. I smiled, patted her hand, and said, "It's okay. Would you like some wine?" She grabbed my glass, gulped down what was left, and thanked me.

Finally, just as we were thirty minutes behind schedule, the procession began. I could hear the music playing as my mother, bridesmaids, and matron of honor began their walk into the banquet room. My brother, who was giving me away, asked what he was supposed to do once we got into the room. I laughed for the first time all morning and gently informed him that when the minister asked, "Who gives this woman?" that he was to answer, "I do," and sit down. When I walked into the room, my groom was still staring straight ahead, his back to me, like a man about to be executed. Obviously someone failed to tell him that it was okay to turn around and watch the procession. I just sighed and tapped his shoulder to tell him I was there. When the ceremony began, the minister forgot to ask my brother the question he was waiting for, so he stood in the back like a security guard for the entire wedding service. The minister also forgot that my groom and I had written vows to say to one another. When the minister pronounced us husband and wife, we hesitated, as if to ask, "Is it over already?" We kissed, the minister said a prayer, and the ceremony was over. I didn't really mind that a few details had been left out--my feet were really starting to kill me at that point and all I wanted to do was sit down.

The rest of the day went very well. We had a few more hiccups, however. First, the best man had not prepared a toast and had to pull a speech out of the air. Then, cops arrived at the after-party being thrown at my mother's house because my uncle had decided to park his car illegally (he is a cop as well). Finally, when my new husband and I made it to the motel room, it was refreshing to see that the maid had taken out all the towels my matron of honor and I had used--and not replace them with fresh ones. We were left with two hand towels and one wash cloth. The front desk informed us that bath towels would not be available to us until the following morning. So, I concluded our big day with a bubble bath that ended with me drying myself off with a hand towel.

I can laugh about all this now, of course.

-Erinn B.
July 30, 2011
Pennsylvania

The Perfect Fit*
I have been engaged a long time, but the wedding has always been postponed due to one reason or another. Well 3 years ago we thought we were finally going to do it. I went out with my maid of honor and started dress shopping. We went to several dress shops, and I couldn't find anything I liked. I am a very small person and I think the consultants were having more fun dressing me up in the dress's "they" thought looked good. I told them to think princess, but not "fairy princess" I wanted something grand and regal. They continued to put me in lace and sparkles. Tulle and chiffon. Mermaids, a-lines, slinky charmuse. Then at the last store, I was walking by the racks and I noticed a beautiful Satin gown. I told the woman I wanted to try it on. She told me, "it wasn't the dress for me" I ignored her and persisted. I knew in the dressing room, as it sat there on the hanger that this was my dress. It just sang to me. I ended up choosing it. It was designer, and need to be ordered, and it took a year for it to come in. At this time another reason had arised and we were forced to push the date again. Finally a couple months ago, I desided to just do it and get it over with. It's been 14 years and three kids later, it was time to get married come hell or high water! So in a matter of a couple months I have managed to pull together a midnight wedding. I have a week and a half to go, and just brought my dress home. The dress I had been waiting 3 years for. The dress, I had put on 3 times for a max of ten minutes. My fiancee and children were gone for the night, so I thought it would be a good chance to put on the dress, and get a really good look at it. It is a monster ball gown that is very heavy satin, and is worn with a very large crinolin. I got the crinolin on, then realized I wouldn't be able to step into the dress. I pondered the problem for a few minutes and came up with an ingenious plan. The dress was on a hanger, on a hook, attached to the back of my bedroom door. I did up the corset back, just a bit so when I had it on I could just pull the strings tight. I crawled under the train and many many layers of tulle filler, and started my way up and out the top of the dress. At this point the dress was still on the hanger, by those little ribbon loops. I slipped them off and was free from the door. However this is when I realized I was stuck. I had done the dress up too tight. and now my arms were crossed above my head in a contorted dive style, and the dress was stuck around my chest. I tried squirming back down, but no success. I was now starting to panic and was starting to sweat. This just made the satin material stick to me more. I contemplated walking three doors down to my mother house and asking for help, but couldn't live with the mortification. All I could picture was myself as a little girl, and my mother giving me trouble for doing something so foolish. I tried to relax, and reach for the back of the dress, to loosen it, but couldn't see (my head was still inside the dress) to pull them. After about fifteen, twenty minutes I calmed myself enough to think straight and searched blindly for the constricting string. Finally I found it and was able to loosen it enough, that I was able to slip the rest of my body through. Sweaty and red faced, I emerged infront of the mirror. As much as I love it, I will not be putting it on again untill my wedding night, with the help of my friends. :)
-Michelle

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We were married in Vegas. We are geeks, so we booked our wedding online. We wanted everyone to join us, but knew not everyone would be able to travel to Vegas. So, we found "The Little White Chapel" which had a wedding web cam in the church. It wasn't a live stream, but took snaps about every minute. We even booked Elvis online! We sent out the wedding invitations via email and gave everyone the URL for the wedding cam so they could join us remotely.

If they were going to join us in Vegas the dress code for the wedding was "Big Dog" attire. You would have to wear a t-shirt or some other "Big Dog" apparel. My dress had Big Dogs all over it and the groom had a Big Dog bow tie and cummerbund. Most guests wore a Big Dog t-shirt and loved the fact that it was so informal.

For the rehearsal dinner, we took everyone to King Arthur's court where we ate our dinner with our fingers and watched a jousting match.

Elvis was late arriving at the church and everyone said it's because he was dead :) We ended up filling the church and it was standing room only. While we waited for Elvis, someone had the idea to start a "wave" for the folks at home that couldn't make it to Vegas. So we started to do the wave and would pause for the wedding cam to snap a shot then change to the next wave position and waited for the cam again. We kept doing that until the wave was complete. The folks watching remotely said they knew exactly what we were doing and thought it was a riot! There was no audio, so I called work from my cell phone and had someone hold it during the ceremony so they could hear what was going on. There were about 50 people at work watching our wedding - they even brought a wedding cake!

Our wedding was enjoyed remotely by friends and family across the country and about 40 joined us in Vegas!!! After the ceremony, we had everyone back to our 2 bedroom resort suite for champagne and finger foods. For the folks that couldn't make it to Vegas, we had a reception at home after we returned from our honeymoon in Hawaii. MANY people commented that they had more fun at our wedding than any other wedding they had ever been to. People are still talking about it!!! Did I mention this wedding HAD to have been the easiest and most stress free wedding to plan??? Also, the wedding costs were very low, which enable us to spend more on our honeymoon!
-Vicki G. NY

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My Parents had a specific budget for my wedding, and we found a great place, with good food, and the price was right. However, the name of the restaurant wasn't so appealing...the "SQUAT & GOBBLE" Restaurant.                                                              
-Anonymous

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We planned our wedding for Memorial Day Weekend so that it would be easier for family to get the time off to attend.  We had to change the time three times due to two of the teenage guests performing in a parade. 

We found what we thought was a wonderful place to have the wedding.  A victorian manor in Orange, California.  They had a nice quaint little tea room with a gazebo in the front.  The owner is a wedding planner and said she would run the show so that my overbearing mother-in-law and sister-in-law couldn't make a mess of things.  The first rule was no liquor!  The in-laws still brought along two cases of champagne even though they were told “no”.  We worked that problem out however to allow only one glass of champagne to those who requested it.  All this was decided two days before the wedding.  It all went downhill from there… 

The Restaurant that we reserved the banquet room at for the rehearsal dinner lost the reservation and booked someone else in our space, so we had to have our dinner at separate tables throughout the restaurant.  Not good-when the whole point was to hand out thank you gifts and schedule who was taking home what from the wedding…not to mention we had reserved the room so the 6 toddlers in tow could get down and wander about.  Yes that was a fun night--NOT!

About an hour before we were supposed to go to the manor I just had this feeling that I should get dressed at my parents hotel rather than at the manor, so I did.  Everyone thought I was nuts! When we arrived we were glad I had changed because although we were guaranteed an upstairs room to dress in, the room had no door and there were guests across the way in another room watching us!

Then the officiant arrived and groped my bridesmaid.  He even asked the wedding planner who she was and was told that it was my little sister and to back off!  Didn't work. My sister finally told him she was a lesbian (she isn’t) and he left her alone.  The planner was supposed to let everyone know when we were ready so we waited patiently for her upstairs taking a few pictures here and primping and so on.  What we got instead was a scream that the wedding was starting in 4 minutes with or without us!  So of course we raced down the stairs (Not easy in formalwear!)

We get outside and lined up to walk only to find we couldn’t hear the music!  So finally one of the ushers gets a clue and waves at us that we can start walking.  The Officiant went through the ceremony at record speed.  We were married in oh, about 5 minutes!  And he had the sides cheering to see who was louder... ummmm not my idea of romance!

Then we start the pictures and notice there is a woman there we've never met directing our pictures. We had arranged for the groom’s uncle to take the pictures and apparently he decided that our wedding was a good time to bring his new girlfriend out. (His wife was the mother of the groom’s sister.  She hasn't been dead more than a year so everyone was slightly offended.) But anyway she was a real pill.  Every picture had to be perfect and she didn't seem to understand that, well, toddlers are not perfect!  Giggle!  My 3 year old son shed his suit about half way through the pictures.

Finally it’s time to go inside and eat.  They gave everyone nice large tables – except, of course, the table for us.  I had told them we would be sitting with our children. No assigned seating except apparently us.  We were placed in a corner with a tacky hand written sign that said Bride’s table. 

They started with a salad that was wilted and drenched with dressing.  About 20 minutes later they brought out the kid’s dinners.  Chicken nuggets (they were cold) and then about 20 minutes later they began to serve the adults lasagna.  It was lukewarm too!  But the bread that was with it tasted good. In fact everyone asked for more bread.  I think that's all anyone ate.

Then it was time to do the toasts.  Now we had arranged for the place to serve the apple cider to everyone with the cake.  But apparently that was forgotten and they didn't serve it.  They had glasses on the tables ahead of time.  All they did was hand each table a bottle and we had to pour our own - another moment of pictures with a nasty lady directing us.

Then my father made a wonderful toast welcoming Scott into the family.  His father however made his toast inviting my mother into his family.  Not sure how he goofed up but he did.  So we turn to the cake to take more pictures and it’s already cut! We of course say hooray no more pictures but the server quickly reassembled the cake... (How do you reassemble a cake?) And we faked the cake cutting for the picture. 

Next came the weird part.  The cake was cut and all the adults were given a slice but nobody served the children or the bride or groom.  I finally sought out the slices and served the kids myself. 

Then I went upstairs to get the kids stuff together to send them off with the grandparents. When I got down and announced it was time to toss the bouquet and do the garter I was informed nobody wanted to catch them! So we tossed them to the kids.  

Scott went to get the car and transfer the car seats to the grandparent’s car and everything got out of control at that point. (Not that we had control of anything anyway.) His parents started to demand that we open the wedding presents right there! I said not a chance and took all the single cards with us and had his brother take home the rest of the presents.  While we were dealing with that, the nasty uninvited lady took all the bubbles that we bought for the kids to blow at us when we left and handed them to the adults!  By the time we got them back and in the kid’s hands his parents were throwing another fit refusing to let us leave. They felt the kids shouldn't see us leave!  So we finally had to let the kids blow the bubbles because we were never going to get out of there in style.  We were finally the last ones to leave! And when we went around the front to go in and let the servers know we were leaving, we found the door was already locked!

Even they left before us!

-Cheryl P.

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